I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I wanted to write a letter to my depression but every time I sat down at my desk I couldn’t seem to get the words to flow right. How do I explain in a written note that some days I don’t feel strong, brave or worth the life I have? How did I sink back into this place? While I’m beginning to understand that depression doesn’t go away, you don’t get to turn it off and hope for the best, its a mental illness that you truly have to work at everyday and whew, it has been quite the struggle for me. Depression is a funny thing, some days I wake up feeling strong and brave and like I can slide on my armor and attack the day but then there are days where I wake up and STRUGGLE to get out of bed because turning myself on feels like too much. But those days are easy compared to the ones where I am stuck in the bed crying, crying for a life I’m not sure I want. I see you depression. I see you. I know that you’re back. I also know you never actually left. So, I welcome you. I welcome you into my life, because every time you have entered it, I have come out stronger.

I am going to beat this. I won’t allow myself to fail, everyday I am reminded how beautiful this life I live has to offer me. I have air in my lungs, clothes on my back and a safe space to lay my head at night.

So on the days when life doesn’t seem worth living I remind myself there’s so much beauty in it, I just have to allow myself the time to see it.

Advertisements