Roughly 6-9 months ago I wrote a blog post titled, “hello impostor syndrome, nice to meet you” and it chronicled the all too real feelings of constantly feeling like an impostor in your own life and I wanted to touch on another aspect of that feeling – failure. To the outside world I probably look like I’ve got my shit 100% together – I have a job, health insurance and get to travel the world but some days, like the really hard days I look in the mirror and question – what are you really accomplishing in this world..right now?
Depression and anxiety will have you out here thinking everyone is your enemy, including yourself and my gosh, what a terrible way to live – trust me. There are days – the good ones where I can proceed through this life without questioning my motives or those around me but on the terrible days I put myself in a self imposed bubble and I beat myself up for not being as far in life as I “should” be.
In all honesty, where should I be at this stage in my life? How far in life is considered successful? Who decides whether or not I am successful right now? There are so many thoughts going through my head daily that its hard not to feel like I’m failing spectacularly when I am not where I think I should be.
I have always assumed I’d be the girl married at 22 with 2.5 kids and a house. Here I am almost 30 and I have zero kids and no house but I’m learning how to see success in that. Life hasn’t happened to me yet and that’s okay. I will eventually be someones hot ass mama, I’ll eventually own a home and everyday I keep on pushing forward and living and that is success.
Success is not crossing off societal to-do lists – kids, house, husband/wife.
Nah, success is waking up everyday and deciding to live. Success is walking into my moms house and knowing that I am loved. Success is building and strengthening my relationships around me. Success is writing this blog and taking photos.
Success takes time. Failure builds character and honestly, I’m kinda enjoying this stage of my life so maybe I’ll stop trying to rush it.
Dress – H&M
Jacket – Gap (old and distressed by me)
Sneakers – Nike Cortez (zappos)